[Plans] The ultimate zom-safe home!

So you’re a lucky bugger with money to throw around and you’re building a house. Why not use those funds to zombie-proof your home?

The ultimate zom-safe home is the epitomy of reclusive living that blends in with the neighbourhood, ensuring that you are left alone by zombies and people alike. From the outside, it appears to be a normal home, but as the owner, you know that you’re sleeping safe and sound within the walls of protection.

Construction

When building the home, you want to reduce all weakness. Use materials recommended for bushfire prone areas. Brick homes with steel frames will are not only fire resistant (to protect yourself from the idiot with molotovs), but are also termite proof.

Avoid large windows. If you must have them, arrange it so that all can be covered with security shutters. Not only will these provide visual cover from zed, it will prevent breakthroughs and assists in maintaining house temperatures.

Security doors are another good idea. Use screens that are criminal resistant. Also use stained or frosted glass where possible. The less the zed can see, the safer you are (and avoid noise). If you want lighting at night, cover any glass panels with a solid material. Large panels of glass should be boarded up on both sides once the apocalypse hits. Best to keep prepared panels in cupboards nearby.

Front yard fences needn’t be solid cement. Iron bars will suffice and make you look less like a hermit. Neighbours get curious/suspicious when they can’t see the front of your house. Where possible, have the solid fence surrounding your property. Use lattices to add height and obscure views. You’re going to be growing your own food and disposing of human waste in this area. You want to be able to travel outside without risk. The backyard should not be visible from the ground. Use solid colourbond fencing where possible, if brick or other fencing is not acceptable. Wood fences can be climbed or knocked over, and weaken over time.

If you have a second storey, design it so that it is self-contained. When the zed come, rig the stairs to be inaccessable incase of a break in. This can be achieved by covering the stairs with a large, flat panel of wood of sheet metal, or the stairs can be destroyed and replaced by retractable ladders.

And always close and lock doors. Keep your windows and curtains shut, and avoid anything that will attract attention.

Don’t put full length windows in your bathroom or toilet. Don’t put any windows in your garage. These are places that can be locked down in a hurry in older home, but only because those homes generally have small, high set windows, or no windows at all. Modern homes? Let’s just say, Toast and I checked out a display home… not only did the ensuite have NO doors… whoever slept in the right side of the bed could see straight through to the knees of whoever was sitting on the toilet… Yes, the house is beautiful, and sure the toilet is probably the place you want to be sitting when you first see a real zombie… but it’s not very zompoc practical.

Resources

Solar panels are also a discreet way to provide your home with power, without attracting passing survivors. Make sure you understand how to perform any required maintainence and repairs. Do not get comfortable though. You want to conserve this energy. Only use power when necessary.

Water tanks are also useful. Avoid using these until the mains run out, and the stored water you took from the reserves has run out. In heavy rain, refill your indoor water storage. Maximise your resources. Don’t forget to look into water treatments. I also suggest investing in filters.

A vegie patch in the back, enclosed garden will provide you with fresh food. You will need to make sure that your crops are protected from animals.

Supplies! First aid, blankets, spare wood, tools, nails, other maintenance equipment. Have this stuff stocked up, stored and ready. Choose manual over electrical, and if you’re not going to learn how to use it, at least buy a ‘for dummies’ guide and have it handy (maybe even, I dunno, read it?).

Alternative heat sources are a good idea. Buy yourself a fleecey blanket or two, or three… Invest in ugg boots, and thick socks. Gloves, beanies and scarves can be worn indoors without judgement; after all, it’s the freaking zompocalypse! Too hot? Battery operated personal fans are available… but better yet… lie down and keep still. Save the heat generating activities for the cooler hours.

And I’ll wrap it up here. This article is pure fancy. Ideally, when Zed builds her home with Toast, they would like to have zompoc survival in mind… but, unless you all feel like having a splurge down at our merch shop, they won’t be affording it anytime soon…